I‘D Writing a comedy about Donald Trump’s opinion is a quick Gonzalez on the hof policy making, like pinning the tail with a donkey, but it’s unfair on a donkey. No donkeys sexually assaulted anyone in a department store that changed cubicles.
I was finished on a Wednesday at 4:30pm. Last week I submitted this column on Thursday. Then on Friday, DJ Trump and JD Vance defeat Volodymyr Zelenskyy Live on TV in an oval office and try to grab his minerals.
The teenage thug gets caught up in security cameras trolling gas station attendants and tilts the contents of the till on Adidas’ bags, and in that immortal moment there is more dignity and honor than Trump and Vance. At least they spend their money on drugs and get cash back in the local economy. The postwar order we understand it melts right in front of our eyes, and the funny “jokes” I already submitted suddenly 24 hours ago as DJs and JDs microwaved their hopes for Cornetto™®.
After I sat this morning at 6am to write this, Greenland, which appeared to have disappeared from Trump’s Gadfly’s heart for a week or two, wandered around his fire line as he told Congress nine hours ago that he would seize “one or another way” of mineral-rich territory that would rapidly thaw. Who writes the Trump Line? There’s a better dialogue in Batman comics of the 1940s. And fewer two-dimensional partners.
“There’s a message to the incredible people in Greenland tonight,” the convicted con artist declared. “We strongly support your right to determine your own future. And if you choose, we welcome you to the United States. We will keep you safe. We will make you rich.” In Inuit folklore, the evil spirit Idril Bilisson looks like a clown with a funny nose, but when he laughs at his dance, he opens, puts his intestines on a plate and feeds the dog. Qimitiaka neexessaqtaqpaka! Bell, will you ring Inoito? I don’t think Donald Trump will bother the plate.
Our “nuclear deterrence” relies on the cooperation of men who believe China has invented global warming.
Inuits should check out Trump’s treatment of Indigenous Americans before they spill their courage due to the orange Idril Birisson beads and boring things. Back on the mainland, Navajo people reportedly were wiped out by immigrant attacks because of their foreign appearances, and attempts to overturn Trump’s birthright citizenship leave the waters of Indigenous nationalities covered in muddy. Greenland is known in its native language as Kalalit Nunath. In other words, it means the island of people. Within seconds of purchase, Google Maps predicts that it will be renamed MacDonald’s Filet Fish People™® island, after Trump’s favorite snack.
The author’s support for Ghostwriting Self-Help Manual for Self-Determination for Greenland Inuit is contrary to his belief in self-determination of Ukrainian people. But as we are rapidly realising, it is pointless to point out the contradictions of the bathroom document archivist or to value what he promises one day or the next. The 1994 Budapest Memorandum signed by Russia and the United States prohibits the use of both military force or economic coercion against Ukraine. Ah well. Money talks! Budapest for a walk!
Face it. America is now our enemy. JD Vance is eager to destabilise Europe due to fear of “free speech,” but perhaps because the stage towards internet safety prevents American engineers from sending falsehoods and filth into our waters, saying it’s illegal to pray in Scotland. And while Trump’s vision of the future sees a global turkey carved between Russia, China and the US, the rest of us fight Giblett. Our Trident missiles need to serve American technology. Our “deterrence” relies on the ongoing cooperation of men who believe China has invented global warming, and Kiel rules Ireland. But that’s not the worst part.
I lay long on my back at night as one day in the spring of 2020, the breathtaking happiness of the early days of lockdown had been mutated into a slow, existing despair. Suddenly, I saw the lights of long caravans moving regularly at speed on a sparkling but ominous convoy across a static star.
Was it a coordinated Russian Air Force attack? Or, the second wave of extraterrestrial invasions, is our planet already weakened by their alien virus? No, the internet told me, it’s a chain of 7,000 60 “Starlink” communication satellites, all accidentally orbiting the Earth, all owned by someone called Elon Musk. Until that moment, I had no bliss to know about the existence of goblins, caps defeating Ketamine.
Two weeks ago, when Ukraine continued to resist attempts to command Trump’s minerals, Musk reportedly threatened to block the country’s access to Starlink, which crippled military defenses. We are watched by American tech companies in all aspects of our lives, via Google, Amazon, PayPal, Facebook and multiple social media platforms. The masks show that their Trump loyalty owners will use them as weapons of war against those who do not agree with him. It is a disease to sacrifice soft diplomacy of foreign aid to spend on flash tanks while continuing to expose aspects of our technology.
We believe our priorities can maintain both hostile Trump and our natural EU allies. To be fair, in the 1980s Edinburgh Fringe, we saw a man swallow a fluorescent tube at the same time, swinging a giant claw hammer through a penis hole.
