Are fishing pictures conservatively coded? Does having blue hair mean they voted blue too?
These are the questions some singles have in mind as they navigate the minefield that is online dating. On dating apps, some users are looking for post-election signs, looking at each other’s profiles and looking for clues about how the other person voted.
Some single people even go to great lengths to hide their true political opinions — at least, that’s what they’re accused of. For example, in some liberal-minded circles, people who list their party affiliation as “moderate” are thought to actually be moderate Republicans.
“The ‘moderate’ and ‘apolitical’ that dating apps announce every year are just code for ‘conservative but embarrassing,'” wrote one X user. “We all agree that marking yourself as ‘moderate’ on a dating app is just conservative, but you don’t want to scare feminists,” another wrote. “About dating profiles: ‘politically moderate’ = MAGA,” another person wrote.
Relationship experts say that honesty is the best policy when it comes to finding love, and that making assumptions about someone’s beliefs based on limited information is often unfair to them. I am. After all, someone who says they’re a “moderate” on a dating app may actually be a political centrist.
“For me, a dating profile is just another form of social media,” says Sara Nasserzadeh, a social psychologist and author of the book Love by Design: 6 Elements to Build a Lifetime of Love. “If the other person’s political affiliation is not very clear to you and it’s something particularly important to you, I would definitely bring it up on the first or second date.”
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Why some people hide their politics on dating apps
Politics has become an increasingly touchy topic in the dating world, and many people don’t feel comfortable dating beyond politics. In a 2020 Pew Research report, 71% of Democrats said they probably or definitely would not date someone who voted for Trump. About half (47%) of Republicans say they probably or definitely would not date someone who voted for Biden.
Amy Chang, a dating coach and author of Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Mind, says the rift has only deepened since President Trump’s reelection, and that people who lie about their beliefs about dating I suspect that this will only increase further. App.
“Some people label themselves as moderates because they think there’s a bias against conservatives on dating apps,” she says. “In a way, this is similar to why some men lie about their height: They don’t want to get fired, so they want to get onto bigger dating sites.”
However, Chan does not recommend misrepresenting yourself on dating apps by lying about things like your politics or height. This usually only causes more problems later, she says.
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If it’s really important to you that the person you date sympathize with your politics, the best strategy is to ask the person you date about their beliefs. If you’re worried that someone isn’t actually a “moderate,” ask them what that label means.
“If they say they’re a moderate, that’s a good conversation starter: ‘You said you’re a moderate. Would you consider this with me?’ It is not an interrogation,” Nasserzadeh said. “You have to be willing to share things about yourself openly.”
Do politics matter when it comes to dating?
The political divide in people’s dating preferences raises an important question: Is it important for a relationship to share the same political views as your partner?
it depends. For some people, politics may not be that important. But if you know that you have strong opinions and politics is something that interests you deeply, it may be best to share them with your partner.
But more important than politics, Chan says, are core values. Thinking in terms of values can help daters identify political topics with which they can and cannot tolerate disagreement. For example, you might not care if your partner has different ideas about taxes, but having similar ideas about abortion is non-negotiable.
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“Two people with different political affiliations can build a good relationship if they share basic values on important issues,” Chan says. “The key is to understand what specific issues are deal breakers for you and what are the areas where you can accept differences.”
Chan also says it’s important to note that there are many couples with opposing political views who have successful relationships thanks to respect and communication. Important strategies for maintaining these relationships include setting clear boundaries around political discussions, taking breaks when conversations get too heated, and avoiding attacks on the other person’s character or morals. That includes, she says.
“The reality is there are a lot of couples who vote differently,” she says. “This move can be complex and emotional, but it’s also an opportunity to strengthen your communication skills.”
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If you’re on a date and are wondering whether your political values align, Chan says there are questions you can ask to respectfully broach the subject. Instead of simply asking, “Who did you vote for?” you might want to ask something deeper, like who someone’s role models are and why.
“The goal is to understand a person’s actual values and beliefs, rather than making assumptions based on labels or surface-level indicators,” she says.
Above all, remember that the person you are dating is a complex human being. If you feel your political differences with them are too great for a relationship, that’s okay. Just be respectful and move on.
“Don’t belittle the other person’s ideas,” says Nasserzadeh. “Put it in a human way. This is a human being with their own belief system, and that’s okay.”
