The TV was on in the background while I was working on my computer. A news program was playing with Republican and Democratic analysts debating the presidential election. I wasn’t really paying attention to the background noise until I noticed my body tensing. I glanced at the screen and saw one of the analysts laughing at the other, arguing, and talking over each other. As their voices got louder, I felt the tension. I muttered to myself, “I’m not good at fighting. This is painful to listen to.”
Fortunately, this column is not about politics. There is already plenty of that. I have opinions, but I am more eager for the election to be over than any particular outcome. The constant bickering, name-calling, finger-pointing, disrespect and two-facedness make me sick. It epitomizes everything that the Be Kind and Anti-Bullying campaigns are against.
I don’t know where my tendency to avoid conflict came from. It probably started at a young age, when I would hear my parents arguing loudly. I remember being scared. Nursery rhymes taught me that girls were made of “sugar and spice and nice things.” Or maybe it was rooted in the faith tradition I grew up in, which emphasized being good and turning the other cheek. Conflict was never seen as a positive thing, but as something to be avoided.
The last time I felt angry was about a year ago. I remember crying, hurt and upset, and feeling wronged. But in that moment, I sat quietly and said nothing. The confrontation happened, but I remained silent. I knew it was wrong, but I didn’t stand up. I felt wronged, but I didn’t defend myself.
In my experience, conflicts rarely change minds. I can’t remember a single heated exchange where the other person, after hearing my heartfelt explanation or well-crafted argument, said, “I see, I see what you mean.” I also can’t remember an argument that ended the way I wanted it to. Sadly, I always feel like I lose in conflicts. And maybe I’m not the only one. Maybe both parties lose in conflicts.
On Election Day, I hope neither party feels like they have lost much more than the election. I want a world that is kind, respectful, and encourages open and honest dialogue. I will continue to voice and share my opinions, even when it makes me uncomfortable. I will continue to look inward to understand how I can improve, where I can start to change, and how I have been part of the problem.