IEarly polling information shows that women support Kamala Harris in the 2024 election, while men helped secure victory for Donald Trump. In some cases, those women and men were married to each other or were in a romantic relationship. In other relationships, men voted for Harris, while their female partners voted for Trump.
Here, Americans who voted differently than their partners discuss how such partisan views have affected their relationships, and what it means to “cancel” a loved one’s vote. He told the Guardian why some people keep their votes secret. Some requested that their identities be kept anonymous to discuss personal issues.
“The only thing keeping me in this marriage is my teenage children.”
I’m voting for Harris, but my husband and I often argue about it. I’m disgusted that he went from being the man I married to supporting a candidate who opposes everything about my personal life. We have transgender children, female children, disabled children, mixed-race grandchildren, and they are all hated by the MAGA Party. I have always been an independent feminist who believes in logic, facts, and empathy. Living with someone who cannot admit their mistakes even when presented with the facts and who no longer supports independent women is hell in itself. The only thing keeping me in this marriage is my teens. Thankfully, they’re seniors in high school, so I’ll only be there for a year and a half. Anonymous, admin, indie author and editor, 47 years old, Illinois
“I hate to lie to her, but it’s for the best.”
I’ve been dating my girlfriend for 10 months. We met through mutual friends at her church and quickly became friends. I love her to death. We celebrated Halloween and dressed up as ghosts.
I secretly voted for Kamala Harris. I told my girlfriend I wasn’t voting and she didn’t question it. She once said that Trump is America’s last hope and God’s chosen candidate. It was scary. I screamed in my head, “Oh my god!” She also said that all the allegations against him were lies. It was part of a “secret plan” to destroy him. But I wasn’t ready to talk about it. It feels dishonest. I hate lying, but it’s for the best. I don’t want to see her go nuts over my vote, but I know she will. Not only that, but if her father found out, he would disapprove of our relationship. He won’t approve of her just dating me. I simply cannot take such a risk. Anonymous, Computer Science Student, 22, Joplin, Missouri
“He calls me stupid.”
It was hell from the moment Trump announced his candidacy. Her husband, who voted for Clinton and Obama (he says he now regrets voting), has been brainwashed by MAGA to the core and watches Fox constantly. It was affecting my physical and mental health. When I explain that my main concerns are education, health, climate change, moral standards, etc., he lashes out and calls me an idiot. He is an old man who feels disenfranchised and degraded by social changes.
The evil spewed by Trump has made our lives strange. But for now I’m working on it for the long term
I met him at a girls’ club and we have been married for 37 years. We don’t have any children, but he has a daughter from a previous marriage and two granddaughters, with whom I have a great relationship. And we have a cat! The evil spewed by Trump has made our lives strange. But for now, I’m working on it for the long term. Anonymous, Retired Educator and Scientist, Florida
“We’re going to have sex tonight too.”
I’m writing this on election night. I’m sitting in the nursery holding my 5 month old baby, taking a nap. Her conservative husband is downstairs with their 6-year-old, probably listening to far-right election coverage. He asked me how I was feeling today and I said okay. I know that when I’m on my deathbed, I won’t be thinking about Donald Trump, I’ll be thinking about my family. I think of my husband. He voted for Trump not once but three times, is smart (yes, very smart), and is my favorite person in the world. Now that the poll results are coming in, I’m angry that my husband can support a misogynistic, racist, manipulative candidate. I also heard my husband’s concerns about four more years of Liberal leadership, and he’s right. He’s not quite right. And we’ll have sex again tonight. Susie, 39 years old, from Colorado
“My wife expects President Trump to stop funding genocide.”
I voted for Jill Stein. Almost every Democrat we met voted for Jill Stein because she opposes what is happening in Ukraine and Gaza (and the West Bank), especially in Gaza. My wife voted for Donald Trump because she doesn’t believe a word he actually says and expects him to stop funding genocide. We think the same way about politics, but my wife doesn’t want the Democrats to be in power. Because Democrats are warmongers. On the other hand, I will not vote for anyone who supports genocide or unjust wars. Voting differently will not affect our relationship in any way. Anonymous, Artist, 69 years old, Tucson, Arizona
“I wrote this as a believer in Jesus Christ, my husband voted for Trump.”
I couldn’t vote for Mr. Harris. Because she is pro-abortion and strong in that regard. Although I am strongly against pro-life, I believe that laws need to be put in place to protect the lives of women and mothers who miscarry. Trump couldn’t vote because he was mentally ill and unstable. I think he has turned the immigration issue into racism. My biggest challenge is to protect and support Israel, to find humane ways to screen immigrants and help genuine asylum seekers, while protecting our country from real criminals, not illegal immigrants. So I wrote about Jesus Christ. My husband voted for Trump. We can agree or disagree. We both have the freedom to vote our conscience. Anonymous, retired RN and homeschool teacher, 58 years old, Kingston, Tennessee.
“Our love is more important than our differences”
My wife and I have been together since 2019 and got married in 2022. I voted for Harris, she didn’t. It’s put a strain on our relationship, and we’ve developed policies where, for example, if things get too heated, either of us can say “peaceful,” and we’re not very thorough about each other’s views. I am working on listening. The election will not affect our relationship. We agreed to that! Our love is more important than our differences. Ross R. Mason, 62, Vice President, EarthX Media Inc., Dallas, Texas
Prominent thinkers on what can be done to protect civil liberties and fundamental freedoms under President Trump’s administration
Privacy Notice: Newsletters may include information about charities, online advertising, and content sponsored by external parties. Please see our Privacy Policy for more information. We use Google reCaptcha to protect our website and are subject to the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service.
After newsletter promotion
“I don’t feel like I’m my best self when I have to defend my values to my spouse.”
I really don’t understand why my husband likes Trump. When he was on The Apprentice, we used to make fun of him. He believes these clowns because he is a smart man. I voted for Harris. I support women’s reproductive rights and that was one of the issues that was most important to me. I also think she is sane and non-confrontational. When Harris got on the ticket, my husband and I agreed not to talk about politics. Then our relationship will deteriorate. It worked fine for the most part. You don’t feel like you’re your best self when you have to defend your values to your spouse. Anonymous, librarian, 47 years old, from Oregon
“I love his determination to give it his all.”
About 27 years ago, I met my husband on a blind date. Two years later we got married. He voted for Trump and I voted for Harris. It’s no secret. My husband knows what is important to me. I’m very angry that he likes Fox News, but I think it’s a successful propaganda machine. But while I’m not interested in his political views or practices, I love his intellectual ability, his sense of humor, and his determination to do his best. Anonymous, retired educator, 78 years old, from Tucson, Arizona.
“He chose a misogynistic racist over me.”
We’ve been married for 40 years and we’ve basically canceled each other’s votes. I’ve been involved in politics since my 20s and consider myself a liberal. There has been a lot of discussion since my husband started supporting Trump’s gaslighting. I hate the fact that he chooses a misogynistic racist over me, a woman. Abortion and immigration issues were important to me this election. Most of our relatives came to the U.S. illegally, and now this immigration rhetoric is being brought up? But we both agreed not to talk about politics. We will continue to do so. Rebecca Guevara, 76, retired nurse from Laredo, Texas
“I have doubts about this relationship.”
My partner knows who I voted for, but we don’t talk politics. I would be happy to discuss this issue with him, but he usually changes the subject. Although I consider myself a moderate (if Mitt Romney were the Republican nominee, I would vote for him), he gets most of his political insight from Fox News. He thinks Trump is strong and believes that we would be worse off economically if Harris won (he and I are both in a good position economically, but we are not rich enough to be better off under Trump. do not have).
We met online about two years ago and are in a committed relationship, but we both have children from previous marriages and have no plans to move in together anytime soon. The fact that we can’t even discuss the election makes me question the relationship. Anonymous, 51, Columbus, Ohio, Engineering Manager
Answers have been edited for clarity.
Read more of the Guardian’s 2024 US election coverage
