Post-election tensions are causing some families to reconsider who will be at the Thanksgiving table this year.
In the weeks since President-elect Donald Trump’s victory, a heated debate has resurfaced over whether it’s fair to cut ties with loved ones because of their opposing political values. Some said they chose not to celebrate the upcoming holiday with family members who voted for Trump, while others lamented not being invited to family gatherings because of their support for Trump.
For many people, politics has always been considered a taboo topic at the dinner table. But in recent years, as the country has become more politically and culturally divided, some say it has become harder to vacation with friends and family who don’t share their political views. The hostility is the culmination of tensions that have been building within Trump’s politically divided family and friend group since his first victory in 2016.
A national poll conducted last week by CBS News and YouGov found that 71% of Americans plan to avoid political discussion on Thanksgiving. One in 10 people surveyed said they had changed their plans to avoid gathering with people who voted for a different presidential candidate.
“If someone votes in a way that hurts you or the people you love, it’s 100% OK to distance yourself from them,” said Alexis Vos, a housewife from Ohio who identifies as liberal. says.
Voss was one of dozens of people who posted on social media how to opt out of their families’ Thanksgiving plans. Vos said she has spent eight years trying to reconcile her extended family, who are mostly Republicans, but has reached a boiling point.
“I’m honored to say I think this is about politics. … I don’t think this is about politics,” she said. “I think this is about my moral values and my basic human rights as a woman and as a mother.”
In recent weeks, celebrities have weighed in on the topic, fueling the debate. In one video that went viral, Yale University psychiatrist Amanda Calhoun tells MSNBC’s Joy Reid, “It’s perfectly fine to not be around those people, and to explain why and say, ‘I don’t know how you vote. There’s nothing wrong with saying, ‘There’s a problem because it goes against what we think.'” life. And I’m not going to be by your side this holiday. I need space for me. ”
The comments sparked backlash from conservatives, including Fox News host Jesse Watters, who revealed on air that his mother had disinvited him from her family’s Thanksgiving party. Elon Musk responded to a similar debate last week, writing about X: “Dismissing someone just because they voted for another candidate is bigoted and downright mean.”
Jay Van Bavel, a psychology professor at New York University, said the country’s divisions in recent years have been driven primarily by hatred of the other country rather than love for one’s own country. The situation is made worse by President Trump’s status as one of the most polarizing politicians in American history, he said.
Van Bavel is director of New York University’s Institute on Social Identity and Morality, which studies the dynamics of shared social identities. The institute’s research shows that much of polarization stems from deep misunderstandings about the other party’s actual positions, which means that social media platforms are able to influence the most extreme voices within either party. This is a result of the tendency to amplify it, he said.
“There is much more diversity among Republicans than most Democrats realize, and there is much more diversity among most Democrats than most Republicans realize,” Van Bavel said. There is a gender,” he said. “And the average member of those parties doesn’t believe what we think they believe.”
Diana Rodriguez Wallach, a Pennsylvania-based young adult horror author who supported Vice President Kamala Harris, said she will skip Thanksgiving with her family to protect her mental health.
“With the holidays so close to the election, I’m worried that political arguments will erupt that will further divide our family,” Wallach, 46, said in a TikTok video about her decision. Also posted. “So I think it’s in the best interest of our long-term relationship to take some space now.”
For Wallach, voting for Trump meant voting for values and potential policies that could visibly harm her and her family. For example, she worries about how conservative efforts to advocate critical race theory and ban books from schools and libraries will affect her as a Puerto Rican writer. said.
Jordan Williams, a California resident who voted for Trump, said he received more than 50 Thanksgiving invitations from strangers online after posting on TikTok that his family wouldn’t invite him over this year. .
Williams said being the only MAGA conservative in a majority-Democrat family created a rift between him and his loved ones. He said he voted for Trump because he believes he will lower prices, end veteran homelessness and address the nation’s substance abuse crisis. Williams said her family voted against Trump because of his racist and sexist comments and the belief that his policies benefit the wealthy more than ordinary citizens. said.
Williams, 23, said some of his family members hurled insults at him during post-election conversations, but he still hopes to one day “mend fences” when they are receptive. Ta.
“Honestly, I was shocked,” he said of his newfound sense of alienation. “I’m a very family-oriented person, so it really hurt to be ostracized and kicked out of my family group because of who I voted for.”
According to Van Bavel, the instinct to exclude people who “violate social norms” has permeated society throughout history. But for a society like the United States to function, he said, people must find ways to deal with people who are fundamentally different from them.
One of the biggest fears people have is being socially ostracized. But in the case of politics, it doubles down on them and they might decide you’re even more crazy because you did something like this to get rid of them.
Jay Van Bavel, Professor of Psychology, New York University
“One of the biggest fears people have is being socially ostracized,” Van Bavel said. “But in politics, it doubles down on them and they might decide you’re even more crazy because you did this to eliminate them.”
Tensions have been so high this year that Scott Walker, a former hostage negotiator who now coaches clients on negotiation and conflict resolution, decided to spend Thanksgiving on behalf of families who need help defusing political arguments. We host a public hotline throughout the day.
It’s an idea pioneered by emotion management app Ahead, which analyzed anonymous data from 81,000 U.S. users and found that 44% said they’d like to spend more time on Thanksgiving this year than on previous Thanksgivings. It turns out that they expected a political debate to occur.
Walker said it would be helpful for those planning to participate in a potentially hostile Thanksgiving to prepare in advance for the hot topics that will likely come up. Productive conversations come from listening to understand the other person’s perspective, rather than just hearing counterarguments, Walker says. She added that it’s okay to feel angry or disappointed, but it’s important not to let your ego control you.
“Of course, you can always walk away. No one is forcing you to work on this,” he said. But Walker said politically divided families, if they feel like it, can benefit from bringing curiosity to the table rather than assumptions, because “assumptions are like earplugs that get in the way.” We can do that.”
