When my parents took me to baseball or basketball practice or junior golf, I was entrusted to the care of men like Al Summers, Wes Doerr, Leon Hinckley, Jerry Brylinski, Reverend Luebke, Ken Senchuk, Don Damos, Bob Krueger, Irv Frader, and Dorothy and Tony Janis.
Yes, I did. Mom or Dad were never there to make sure he was being coached properly or that I was behaving appropriately. I trusted the coaches to do their best and hold me accountable. Summer camp was the same. I was on a bus to Long Lake in Hillman and placed in the care of the Wixoms, or in the case of church camp, with seminarians. Mom and Dad were happy to sacrifice their parental authority and trust those in charge.
Every summer and sometimes in the fall, my cousins and I would spend a week’s vacation with my Aunt Margaret and Uncle Harold on Lake Tawas. We learned to fish for pike with bamboo poles, to duck hunt in a sneaky boat, to swim in Old Swede Hole, and to prepare and eat what we caught and hunted. We also learned the value of keeping our equipment – reels, rods, boats, motors, and guns in top condition. We also enjoyed making “Wabash” by the fireplace and sitting by the lake at night listening to the Indians paddle the still waters. All of these lessons and experiences were taught to me by my cousins and my aunts and uncles. I carried those lessons with me throughout my life. Thankfully, my parents trusted my aunts and uncles to do the right thing. It was all for the better.
Jonathan Haidt, in his book The Anxious Generation, writes: “In the 1980s and especially the 1990s, Anglo parents became more anxious for a variety of reasons, including changes in the media ecosystem and the news cycle. Parents lost trust in each other, spent more time monitoring their children, and began to parent in defense mode, seeing risks and threats everywhere. This worship of ‘safety’ above all else is called safetyism. This is dangerous because it makes it difficult for children to learn to take care of themselves and to deal with risk, conflict, and frustration.”
This is evident in the number of parents who attend Jets football workouts and practices. The parking lot at Thunder Bay Middle School is full. The same is true for gymnastics practice, soccer practice, hockey practice, and many other youth activities that do not require regular parental attendance. Some parents are trying to save on mileage costs, while others see attending practice as a bonding opportunity. I don’t know what all motivations are, but if my parents hadn’t practiced safety and allowed me to take risks, I would never have been able to overcome my anxiety and learn risk management and self-control, all of which are essential to becoming a healthy, competent adult.
Having my own experience with adult leadership from someone other than my parents shaped my character and personality and helped me grow and develop into a positive adult. Thankfully, I was influenced by amazing parents, coaches, campground leaders, and extended family.
Joe Gentry is executive director of United Way of Northeast Michigan and can be reached at 989-354-2221 or jgentry@unitedwaynemi.org.
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