My oldest son is getting married in a week, and there’s been a lot of discussion in my family about whether he should keep the beard he’s been growing since the day after Valentine’s Day.
I say the day after Valentine’s Day because Beth says she doesn’t hate me for having a beard, but she doesn’t love it either. I’d been growing it since Christmas and shaved it off for her on Valentine’s Day.
But then I started growing my hair out again and continued to do so for about six months.
My position was that Beth would continue to grow a beard as long as she could stand it, just as she had stood by her short hair even though the woman she married 33 years ago had long, beautiful hair.
(The woman was Beth, by the way, just to avoid any confusion.)
Dimon and Beth Kendrick Holmes congratulated their youngest son, Joe, on his graduation from the University of Georgia in May.
Kendrick Holmes Family
Anyway, as my son’s wedding day approached, the conversation turned to whether or not I should grow my beard throughout the weekend’s events, including, of course, the photoshoot.
Anyone else reading this…
We knew what Beth’s most influential vote would be.
Although my beard has been a laughing stock for all four of my children, Beth encouraged me to ask my actual married child what they thought.
Our son, Robert, is a very obedient and modest person. In fact, he has no ability to say anything negative about other people or things.
Apparently, Robert hated green beans as a child, but was never able to say so out loud.
At dinner, his mother said, “Robert, why don’t you eat your green beans?”
And Robert said, “Mom, the beans I had were delicious and you did a good job, but the bean hole in my tummy is full.”
He explained that there are compartments in the stomach, some of which are larger than others, like the ice cream compartment, and that there is nothing that can be done about it. Once the green bean compartment is full, it is not wise to feed it any more. It doesn’t matter if it likes green beans or not.
Not surprisingly, Robert grew up to be an engineer.
So, on my mother’s advice, I called Robert and asked if I could keep the beard.
“It makes you look classy,” he said. “Like a Civil War general.”
It wasn’t exactly what I was going for, but oh well.
“So, is it okay to keep it?” I asked.
“So you don’t think I look like the Unabomber?” I asked.
“No, I don’t think so,” Robert said.
After that conversation, I was still unsure. Afterwards, Beth and I went to the grocery store together.
It’s not something we normally do. Beth is much better at cooking, shopping, and nutrition planning than I am, so we’re happy that she takes charge of the grocery shopping.
Except when it comes to my specialty: picking the right beer for the occasion, or rack of ribs, or wings for a party.
We decided to have an assortment of hot sauces for the shrimp boil we were having at our rehearsal dinner. The variety is nearly endless at any grocery chain, so Beth took me on this special trip to help make these important decisions.
Anyway, in the checkout line at Harris Teeter, the young female cashier scanned all of our items, checked my thick white beard, and asked the following question:
“Are you shopping for seniors today?”
I thought that was a pretty clever way of asking if I was old.
She didn’t say “you” but “we,” as if we were all in the same situation.
And she didn’t ask if I was a senior citizen, she asked if I was shopping for seniors.
It almost felt like she was shopping for elderly people who were in nursing homes or waiting in their cars outside, which is not what she meant.
“No, I’m not shopping for seniors,” I said curtly, stifling a laugh to try and ease the tension.
Harris Teeter offers a senior discount for people over 60, but I don’t qualify by just four years.
Still, my self-esteem was hurt. I went home and shaved.
She says I look much younger.