This article was first published on November 26, 2024.
Last year I met Larry and Sue at my father’s funeral.
My parents have been friends with them for decades. Their children were some of my best friends growing up. It had been 20 years since we met.
When I saw the couple at the funeral, I introduced my wife to them and told them stories of their past kindness.
I was about 13 years old and needed glasses. My parents couldn’t afford vision tests or glasses. Larry and Sue were visiting town and somehow they recognized the need. Without any promotion, my parents gave me money to get glasses.
When I told my wife about this, both Larry and Sue started crying.
“I had completely forgotten about that,” Larry said. “I can’t believe you remembered.”
Gratitude costs nothing and means the world.
According to a 2023 study, the average American adult says “thank you” six times a day, or about 2,200 times a year. These small courtesies are good habits.
But gratitude goes deeper than a simple thank you to the barista or mailman. Researchers have found that gratitude is linked to improved health, increased productivity, and stronger connections with others.
Another story about gratitude: A few years ago, I was meeting with my friend Dr. De Hicks, who has been researching and writing about leadership for decades. In one research project, he studied high-achieving leaders who had maintained success over many years. He then compared these leaders to others who were successful but burned out.
A group of high-performing leaders practiced gratitude daily (81% of them), usually as part of their morning routine.
There were other points of comparison, but this idea intrigued me. “How can I practice gratitude?” I wondered. Then I remembered what my mother had taught me. It’s an old-fashioned handwritten note.
So, I set a goal to send 100 thank you notes over the next year.
Writing notes twice a week is a lot of work. I needed to activate my internal radar to identify what I could be grateful for. It felt a little strange at times.
Over time, I learned that gratitude is repetitive. I sent 100 notes as planned. About half of the people I wrote letters responded to express their gratitude. The practice of gratitude has brought us both happiness.
A few years ago, researchers Amit Kumar and Nicholas Epley decided to measure the impact a thank you note had on the sender or recipient. Researchers discovered three things and published them in 2018.
First of all, the act of sending a thank you note makes the sender happy. People in the study reported feeling more positive after writing the letter.
Second, the researchers asked senders to predict how recipients would feel upon receiving an unexpected letter. The researchers then contacted the recipients. The positive feelings they felt exceeded their expectations.
Third, not only did the letter writers underestimate how happy their recipients would feel, they also overestimated whether their recipients would feel awkward about receiving their letters. . This asymmetry often causes people to hesitate before writing a thank you note, which is a shame since it can improve the outlook on life for both the sender and the receiver.
Americans just experienced a tumultuous national election. In politics, anger is the coin of this country. Anger drives turnout and votes. It excites people. This is why both political parties predicted the destruction of the nation if the other party won.
On the other hand, gratitude says: “Look at what I’ve been given, my family, my home, my health. It’s a blessing. I want to thank those who have helped me along the way. And I want to thank others who have helped me along the way. Please use it to help people.”
Perhaps gratitude can be an antidote to anger.
