Just days before the 2024 presidential election, Carolyn Fisher and her husband heard their 16-year-old nonbinary child cry out, “Mommy, I want to die.”
Their child held a cell phone and was on the phone with a counselor from an LGBTQ crisis hotline. As their parents listened, Fisher’s child explained, with tears in his eyes, that he had joined an online group of LGBTQ children who were planning to commit suicide if former President Donald Trump won the election. .
The Trump campaign, which claims to “end the left’s gender insanity” and restrict anti-discrimination policies in schools, health care and sports, has been criticized for its comments against gender non-conforming people.
“I was one of those people,” Fischer, a conservative Trump supporter, said, recalling laughing at a pro-Trump ad on TV that claimed “Kamala is for them.” I feel like I was a bad mother because of that.” Trump is your friend. ” Looking back, she remembers the child walking out of the room.
Rainbow Youth Project, an LGBTQ crisis department, said it sees an increase in calls around the holiday season.
ABC News photo illustration by Dani Grandison, Adobe Stock
Fisher said she has long supported her children in wearing the clothes and hairstyles they like, even when extended family members openly opposed or ridiculed their choices at holiday gatherings.
During the holidays last year, her child decided to stay home alone. “He said he wasn’t feeling well, but that was a lie. He’s said ever since that he didn’t want us to go through that,” Fisher said.
But Fisher said it was a wake-up call for the family when the child confessed that he wanted to take his own life. Since then, they have spent hours talking about gender, politics, and their children’s experiences in order to build stronger family support systems and protect their children from hate.
This year, the Fisher family is keeping a strict holiday guest list. Only those who support the child’s identity are welcome into the home, Fisher said.
“It’s not because he was suicidal. It’s because he deserves it. He doesn’t deserve to be kicked out of our family,” she said.
Fisher said she has been criticized by families for giving her children “orders” not to invite or visit some family members.
“And I’m not ashamed to sit here and say exactly what I say. ‘That’s absolutely true, my child is that important to me. I love my child so much. ’” Fisher said.
The holidays can be a difficult time for those in the LGBTQ community who don’t have accepting families or who can expect to face direct criticism at the dinner table. As anti-LGBTQ rhetoric grows across the country, it’s adding painful pressure to what can already be a stressful season.
The Rainbow Youth Project, an LGBTQ hotline that Fisher credits with saving children’s lives, told ABC News that calls to its crisis center increase during the holiday season, with more calls each year than last year. He said he was calling.
The holidays can be a difficult time for those in the LGBTQ community amid rising anti-LGBTQ sentiment across the country.
ABC News photo illustration by Dani Grandison, Adobe Stock
“It’s really important that[reporters]know that there is help,” Teagan Mauter, a member of Rainbow Youth Project’s transgender action committee, said in an interview. “There are people here who see them and want to help them. We don’t want anything from them, but we want them to exist and for them to be happy. ”
The Fisher family is one of many families not hosting relatives or community members this season.
Kenny Dunn, an Ohio father, told ABC News that misinformation, falsehoods and offensive comments about his 17-year-old daughter Melissa, who came out as a lesbian in February, have made people angry. He said he has cut it out of his life.
Later, Dunn’s relatives said that her parents made it clear that they would not bring lesbians to family events, and that they were worried that Melissa’s being a lesbian would affect their other children. Dunn said. Another family member falsely claimed that Melissa wanted to become transgender someday and that it was a slippery slope.
According to the CDC, sexual orientation and gender identity are not choices.
This holiday season, the Dunn family leaves their hometown for a vacation.
“Last Christmas was our last Christmas with our extended family,” Dunn said.
“If their ignorance and lack of education about how this actually works is so great that they can’t accept my child or want to badmouth my child, I don’t need them in my life,” Dunn said. “And it took a while to get there.”
Melissa told ABC News that it’s hard to feel like you’re the cause of arguments between family members, and that she went into a “really dark place” during the arguments and fights.
But her father interjected: It’s their fault. That’s their ignorance. And that is something we cannot tolerate. ”
As these two families deal with the fallout, they all acknowledge how lucky they are to be a source of support for their children.
Fisher said her children have online friends from all over the country who will spend the holidays alone, but some of them will be living at home with family members because they are part of the LGBTQ community. Some people say they are no longer allowed to do so.
For the Dunns, their home became a place where those who didn’t “fit in” could find support. The pain they’re feeling this season is compounded by the recent suicide of Melissa’s best friend, who says he was gay and not accepted by his family.
Families said they are standing up for LGBTQ kids this season.
ABC News photo illustration by Dani Grandison, Adobe Stock
“I don’t know what it’s like to be gay, but I’m sitting in my truck in the driveway replaying in my head all these memories of this kid who came to my house for shelter. I know what it’s like, ‘as a sanctuary,”’ Dunn said. “And I vowed to be that sanctuary for my kids, my kids, and kids in this community who are going through similar experiences, even if they don’t understand.”
Still, it was a learning process for both families. Both Dunn and Fisher said they asked the child a lot of questions at first.
Dunn said she had to let go of the idea that she needed to be “authoritarian” about her children’s lives.
“Sometimes we just have to sit back and let them drive for a little while,” Dunn said. “And of course we have to be guardrails, but just let them drive around a little bit and try to find out and understand who they are.”
He said Melissa knew who she was from an early age, adding, “To not respect the beauty of the fact that they are brave and bold and have the courage to be different is… “We’re really doing ourselves an injustice and not letting anyone speak for us.” That’s impossible. ”
Fisher said that in order to be an ally to a child, you need to trust them for who they are. “I would rather have an experience like this and make sure that I love my child the way they really feel.” Rather than trying to love them, they don’t feel like they are. ”
Hotlines like the Rainbow Youth Project (a resource used by the Fishers and Dunnes) hope to be a tool for LGBTQ residents, their families and community members grappling with similar questions. .
During this stressful season, Melissa asks people to be kind.
“I don’t need anything special to leave me alone and let me live my life,” she said. “I don’t need other parents or strangers to tell me I’m wrong. It doesn’t take anything to be kind or kind. We’ve already been through so much pain. ”
If you are having thoughts of suicide or are worried about a friend or loved one, call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988. Confidential emotional support is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and free of charge.
