To be honest, this presidential campaign will not win any awards for civility. Apart from policy proposals, the following has been done: speak ill of, vulgarityand just plain old meanness. And sometimes it seems like the incivility of our politics has infected our personal interactions as well.
How did we get here? And on the eve of this election, what can we do about it?
First, let’s consider something simple: the tone of your voice.
No, this is not a panacea for all our social and political ills. But this secret weapon for civility is biologically hardwired.
Want proof? Babies and toddlers respond in predictable ways to both the tone of someone’s voice and facial expressions. Children learn to trust certain voices even before they understand the meaning of words. And perhaps an angry and loud voice will cause fear and be the exact opposite of trust.
These deeply ingrained reactions stick with us throughout our lives and can help or hinder our interactions with others.
If you really want to have a conversation rather than dueling monologues, you need to be genuinely interested in what the other person is saying. And if the way we communicate – not only the words, but also the way we say them – causes mistrust, then a meaningful exchange of ideas can hardly be expected.
Let me be clear: Even if you say mean things well, they’re still mean. There are also times when a warm, sympathetic tone may not be very helpful, such as in arguments with people who ignore the facts.
But at other times, consider taking lessons from your kids. Next time you start a conversation with someone who holds an opposing opinion, try using a kind and gentle tone. It will show that you really want to hear what they have to say. It may not lead to a heart-to-heart exchange, but please look at their faces. Instead of a frown, you might just see a smile.
Story produced by Robert Marston. Editor: Joseph Flandino.
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