It can be difficult to talk about politics, even with loved ones.
Approximately one in four Americans say they have ended a friendship over political disagreements. And many voters say they have few or no friends on the other side of the political aisle.
Additionally, research shows that polarization can lead to isolation, stress, and anger. And the researchers found that the more distant people felt from their state’s political norms, the worse their reported health was.
It’s easy to blame and judge people who disagree with us. But have you ever taken a moment to consider how your own thoughts, words, and actions can increase acrimony?After all, one of the best places to start to heal political divides is , is to look inward.
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Ask yourself here.
“How much joy do you feel when you and your friends ridicule the ‘lunatics’ of your political opponents?”
It grew out of an exercise in a course called “Depolarizing Within,” created by Braver Angels, a group aimed at bridging the political divide among Americans.
If the answer is “often,” be honest with yourself. Another part of the course asks you to consider the words you use. When you lean blue, words like “anti-immigrant” and “Bible bashing” come to mind. Or if you lean red, words like “elitism” and “elitist” come to mind. If you are “unpatriotic,” your inner deflector is alive and well.
Labels can dehumanize the other side, especially if they don’t reflect the complexity of people’s opinions.
The training “is like a reality check on how much anger and resentment you have,” said Sue, co-chair of Braver Angels Blue of the Northwest Willamette Valley Alliance in Oregon. Starry says. (Blue means she usually votes Democratic.)
“What drove me to Braver Angels was trying to completely distance myself from the politics of ridicule,” she says. “I just couldn’t take it anymore.” She now helps lead Braver Angels workshops, which aim to foster dialogue and understanding between people with opposing views.
We saw her in action over the summer at the Washington County Fair in Hillsboro, Oregon. She operated a booth with Red co-chair Elizabeth Christensen, who typically votes Republican, to encourage dialogue with fairgoers. They helped people understand both sides of some highly divisive issues.
“We’re not trying to get people to start consenting,” Stehli said. The goal is to lower the temperature and “stop hating each other,” she says. Through dialogue, we look at past labels, stereotypes, and divisions.
Christensen says this works because “they’re not criticizing the other side.” They’re not disrespecting them. They are not adding to the problem. They are actually working on solving it. ”
Stehli says people often find common ground when considering the beliefs and values of others. They start thinking about how compromises are possible.
“We’re not as divided as we think we are,” said Tania Israel, a psychologist at the University of California, Santa Barbara, and author of the new book “Facing the Fracture.” They point to research showing that our perception of how polarized we are is overstated.
“We think the gap between Democrats and Republicans on this issue is much further than it really is,” she says. Take gun control. Of course there are differences in opinion, but many Democrats and Republicans support gun control. Although there are some commonalities, more extreme voices often dominate the political discussion.
Israel said bridge-building organizations like Braver Angels offer people “an opportunity to experience ideas and people on both sides in a more multidimensional way.” We begin to better understand how complex and thoughtful people are.
If this election cycle is causing you distress or tension with people you know, here’s how to depolarize yourself and talk to people you disagree with.
1. Become aware of the fixed ideas in your own way of thinking
Braver Angels star Staley says stereotypes, negativity, ridicule and contempt are the “four horsemen of polarization.” The group’s online depolarization workshops teach you how to counter these attitudes within yourself.
You can try the courses here, but here it’s the taste.
Their process begins with self-assessment. Answer a series of questions such as:
“How often do I focus on the most extreme or outrageous ideas or people on the other side?” “How often do I focus on “those people” on the other political side?” , do you find yourself thinking without taking into account the diversity among them?”
Then stop, reflect, and consider “how much anger and resentment you’re carrying inside of you,” Stehli says. Do you judge people as “worthless” or “deplorable” and don’t see them as full human beings?
2. Next, “Edit your story”
Once you are clearly aware of your own attitudes, Braver Angels will make you reconsider the stories you tell yourself about people with opposing views. Here are some starting points excerpted from the course.
Recognize that the other side is more diverse than stereotypes, and their views are more complex than the rhetoric you’ve been hearing. Read and listen to thought leaders on the other side of the complex debate. “If you really study the other side’s views, you might disagree, but you’ll be less likely to stereotype,” Bill Dougherty, co-founder of Braver Angels, said in the course video. Explaining. Develop relationships with people on the other side who recognize that life experiences that influence the opinions of others are likely to differ from your own. “Relationships undermine stereotypes. Get to know everyone,” Dougherty said. “That’s how we can bring about change in society.”
3. Limit consumption of polarizing news
“We’re absolutely drawn to ‘us versus them stories,'” says Israel. Through our evolutionary wiring, we tend to adopt a team sport mindset, she says. And much of cable news reinforces this polarizing storyline, highlighting controversy and division.
“The more people pay attention to news that favors one side, the more distorted the perception of those on the other side becomes,” Israel says.
People need to “consume news wisely,” she says. This means recognizing that we are probably only exposed to a small portion of the information, and seeking information from a variety of perspectives.
Israel also says to set a time limit and not consume negative news obsessively. Doomscrolling can reinforce negative messages and negatively impact your mental health.
4. Manage your social media feeds and watch out for misinformation
Research has found that some social media platforms limit exposure to perspectives different from your own. Therefore, it’s important to control what you see on these platforms.
It’s easy to share and like messages that reinforce our biases. If the message criticizes the other person but doesn’t tell you anything or offer a solution, ask yourself if it’s really helpful, says Israel. If the answer is no, please don’t like or share. Also, consider unfollowing groups and individuals who repeatedly spout unsolicited or derogatory messages or misinformation.
“As individuals, we can make real choices about how much we pay attention to and interact with polarizing content,” Israel says.
Also, be aware that some of the content you see online may not have been created by other voters. Foreign governments, including Russia, Iran, and China, are attempting to spread divisive messages and misinformation to exacerbate polarization and influence U.S. elections. One resource that can help you spot misinformation is the News Literacy Project’s Rumor Guard.
5. Join community groups
The opposite of scrolling is actually engaging with other humans.
“At the end of the day, it’s great for us,” Israel says. And not only can you spend more time with your family and friends, but you can also get involved in your community. This may help counter political and social isolation. Plus, “volunteering is actually good for your mental health,” she says.
Braver Angel volunteers say they find satisfaction in helping people think about divisive issues.
Scientifically proven that working together with others toward a common goal builds connections and increases happiness. So, the first step is to think about the cause you care about and find an organization that might be able to help you.
6. How to talk through differences
When trying to resolve a conflict, people won’t listen to you or your ideas until they feel heard. This is why listening and acknowledging is so important in Braver Angel’s bridge-building approach. “Repeat it over and over again,” Stehli says, until the person feels heard. This helps establish goodwill.
Here’s Braver Angels’ process on how to have a productive conversation with someone across the political divide.
The first step is to listen. Next, be curious and ask questions, suggests Braver Angels’ Elizabeth Christensen. “What was behind that? Why did you do that? Where did you come from?” Then acknowledge what the other person said. You don’t have to agree, just acknowledge what you heard, says Christensen. Question: Did I hear you correctly? Is this what you’re saying? “It’s acknowledging that you understand what their situation is,” she explains. And then there’s the pivot. Ask if you can share another perspective. It’s like a turn signal in a car. If you alert people, you might get a different perspective. “That way they’re ready to listen to you instead of responding to you – hopefully!” Christensen says. Next, offer your perspective. Use non-polarizing language. Finally, reach out to the other person to make sure they can hear you.
Both Christensen and Stahli have used these skills in their conversations with their own families. “They work incredibly well,” says Christensen.
7. Develop empathy and compassion
In polarized situations, Israel says, people are highly empathetic towards those on their side, but less empathetic towards those on the other side. This may defeat the purpose of building bridges.
A few years ago, Israel began listening to cassette tapes of loving-kindness meditations recorded by Sharon Salzberg. She says it brought her calm and helped her build a sense of empathy for others.
So she adopted this meditation with political polarization in mind. She says it helps “create compassion for everyone,” not just those with whom we agree. Here’s how it works:
Imagine various people and send love and kindness to them. Start with yourself, then someone you feel close to, then someone more neutral, perhaps your neighbor. Now, here’s the difficult part. Imagine someone who might be considered a political adversary. To each of these people, you send positive thoughts and repeat to yourself: May you be healthy and happy. Please grow with peace of mind. ” (You can find an audio version of this meditation by Israel here.)
Practicing loving-kindness meditation has been shown to improve social interactions, increase feelings of well-being, and reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression. It has also been proven to reduce stress.
Jane Greenhalgh and Carmel Wroth contributed to and edited this report.
