This couple disagrees on politics but is united by love

They were arguing about abortion.

Leslie Zyke was riding Interstate 74 past a cornfield in rural Illinois when she noticed her husband, Matt, yelling at her. She stopped and suggested we drop the topic. He agreed and settled quietly into the cabin of his pickup truck.

“I love you,” they said to each other, their hands collapsing on the center console in a gesture that clearly expressed their opposing views.

The Ziks have overcome problems common to many marriages, from childcare to money.

But what about politics? That’s complicated.

Leslie, 56, is a Republican. Matt (68) is a Democrat. She is anti-abortion. Matt believes women should have the right to choose. She refused vaccinations during the pandemic. He made the shot.

When they started dating, she wondered if their relationship would work after just seeing a Democratic lawn sign outside his house ahead of the 2020 election. Ta.

But they both hoped it would work. Leslie read books by other politically divided couples for inspiration and ultimately to help people bridge the political divide after former President Donald Trump’s 2016 election. I discovered Braver Angels, a non-profit organization founded by therapists. They found both red and blue communities there.

“That gave me enough hope,” Leslie said. “I feel relieved that I’m not alone.”

In many ways, they seem like the perfect couple. Matt, who is retired, always brings home flowers. She helps him with the handyman work he does for people who can’t afford a professional. He drove her to the library at the University of Illinois, where she worked. They volunteer to help people see shows for free at local theaters.

Leslie is a devout Christian. Matt, a military veteran, was raised Catholic but now considers himself more spiritual than religious.

“I’m worried about Matt because I believe the Bible is true and Matt is ambivalent about it,” she said. “What have I gotten myself into?”

However, they attend church regularly and hug each other when praying.

Acts of kindness bring them together, like helping a man who uses a wheelchair get to church, or caring for a nonverbal boy so his parents can go out and his mother can work. . However, political differences between the two countries appear to worsen ahead of the presidential election.

Sometimes I get so heated that I can’t talk for days.

Posted on the refrigerator door are suggestions from therapists to help you overcome anxiety. It says, “Can I hug you?” “If no, just say ‘I love you’. You’re the worst. I’ll be back in 10 minutes.”

At Braver Angel’s workshop, I learned several techniques for keeping political conversations private. There is a rule: speak to understand, never speak to win.

They need each other and cannot avoid the discomfort of many disagreements.

“We share the same heart,” Leslie said.

“I love looking into her eyes and seeing her smile,” Matt said. “Why do you want to lose it?

They found things they could agree on, like putting up a flagpole in their front yard and flying an American flag.

“For me, it’s far more inspirational than any yard sign ever,” she said. “It’s more durable.”

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This story has been corrected to clarify that the nonverbal boy’s mother is not a single mother.